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3 Sides
I flew to Portland for a couple of days to visit my sister and to take her and my wife to see Extreme. It was amazing as always. One of their best albums is called 3 Sides To Every Story, and as the saying goes there’s “your side, my side and then there’s the truth.”
What Rubiales, the coach and even his mom are doing is lying to you and using every manipulation and control tactic possible to make you doubt reality. And listen, I know I should be talking about Laia Codina signing for AWFC but can we just talk about the craziness that is the news that the mother of Rubiales has chained herself to a church door and declared a hunger strike. I’m not equipped to dissect the mother/son dynamic which my unprofessional opinion states that it is based on absolute madness. The gaslighting is there for us all to see, clear as day and we cannot let the speed of news cycles allow us to take our eyes off.
There is an apparent 15 year suspension on the cards? Vilda also suspended and expected to be fired at any moment…The punishment cannot come soon enough and it can’t be strong enough. This has to be a massive statement and the perfect opportunity to show the world what a unified women’s football community can achieve, with a just cause being the goal.
Every single day crazier things are bubbling up and I just heard on the radio that there might be some issues for Rubiales with Australian police, since this abuse was done in Australian soil. So let’s think about this…
During the past World Cup (men’s edition) we all heard the threats that if a player in Saudi Arabia were to be open/active about being pro LGBTQ+ or would defy the rules set by FIFA that they would safe serious consequences including jail. Journalists were arrested, threatened and more. Wether we like it or not, those are the laws in that country and our feelings about those laws aren’t relevant. The other side of the token is when sexual abuse takes place in a country where sexual abuse is seen as a horrible thing, and that country is Australia, among others of course.
I hope the full weight of the law brings him down. There is not getting out of this and I’m here of everything. Even for the hunger strike, sorry not sorry.
d ❤
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Paradox of tolerance in women’s football
You don’t have to be a private investigator or a genius to know exactly what my political stance is. To me, more than it being about politics, living in the USA, it’s a matter of right and wrong and of course both sides would say they are convinced they are on the right side of history. But if there is one thing that I have learned in the past few years living in such a polarized society is that tolerance has to have a ceiling. We can’t just live life being tolerant of anyone and everyone just because of free speech. We don’t have to and we shouldn’t, and you guessed it: this applies to Rubiales as well. Follow along…
About a decade ago I became familiar with the paradox of tolerance. Instead of giving you my version of it, what I can tell you this is and I’m quoting this from google: Philosopher Karl Popper described the paradox of tolerance as the seemingly counterintuitive idea that “in order to maintain a tolerant society, the society must be intolerant of intolerance.” Essentially, if a so-called tolerant society permits the existence of intolerant philosophies, it is no longer tolerant.
For the record, I don’t know anything about Mr. Popper and I am in no way endorsing any of his ideas or other philosophies. Just letting you know! I just know of him because of this paradox.
So, to kinda explain it in footballing terms. If we keep saying that homophobia should be kicked out of the game, there will be many homophobes that believe that since we claim to deserve tolerance, we need to respect their anti homosexuality and their hatred against the LGBTQ+ community. They feel they should be tolerated just as we are asking them to tolerate our cause. However, if these bigots take complete control and they were to have it their way, they would need their hatred and homophobic views to be respected and tolerated and not shunned, and then they flip it around and will without a doubt persecute their opposition hence exercising intolerance.
We have seen it already. All the strides and progress and then the Saudis host the World Cup and no man protests or does anything to defy this (which I’m not judging because they could have gotten jailed or killed there) but the power the Saudis have means there’s not tolerance for homosexuality. And that rippled into FIFA not allowing women during the world cup to wear things they wanted to wear for their causes.
But here’s the point as it relates to Jenni Hermoso:
We cannot tolerate or excuse the kind of behavior that Rubiales put on display. We cannot normalize the massive level of gaslighting that he is carrying out. We cannot tolerate it. If we do, and if we let this continue to be the norm, the toxic masculinity club will continue to rule and feel more and more empowered because there won’t be consequences to their actions. Then, they will actively limit and minimize the progress women have been making for 100 years.
They want women quiet.
They want women obedient.
They will tell you that its respect that they want but in reality what they want is for them to be submissive.
This is the MO of an abuser.
This will should be very enlightening, I hope. We know that FIFA has gotten involved but I don’t think there has been any comment from UEFA. Or at least that’s what Ian Wright tweeted about and I haven’t seen anything to the contrary. I still am hopeful that there will be massive waves and the tsunami that will drown Rubiales will set a precedent for women in this sport we love so much, women whom we love even more.
Hope you all have an amazing week and thanks for your energy, your time and your interest in this blog which is focusing on this whole situation until he quits and or the Arsenal Women start their season fully.
d ❤
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NOthing is gonna change until we change
Last night was one of those surreal nights here in LA. I got to finally, after yeeeeeaaaaars of wanting to, see Dogstar play live. That band is mostly known for having Keanu Reeves as their bassist, but its a totally awesome, legit band, whose singer/guitar player is a friend of mine. Our schedules never lined up and also the band was on a 20 + year hiatus so it’s hard to see them play in general. But anyway, they were absolutely incredible and it was well worth the wait.
If that wasn’t surreal enough I got to spend time with a great friend of mine who I used to tour with and is one of the best guitar players to ever do it, and nights like there are always so special and I never take them for granted. And I was reminiscing on some of our times together on the road and I realized that there was a song of his that I only got to play live a couple of times, and that song is called “Change” which you can listen to here
Anyway, in the song there’s a line that is very simple and very powerful: NOTHING IS GONNA CHANGE UNTIL YOU CHANGE. By you I mean me and I mean us. I mean the patriarchy, I mean Rubiales, I mean misogyny. And of course this is a fight has been going on forever and I’m afraid it is perpetual, but every so often we as a society are given these moments where we use them as a global conscience trigger and we get on the same page and strive for changes.
If you have a set position on this rubialesgate disgrace, and you never tweet about it, then change and do it. I’m not judging you or anyone for doing or not doing anything, but if you want change, if you want things to change you have to be that change, and yes, every little bit helps, and it might be a tiny ripple in the infinite ocean of injustice but you owe it to yourself to be proactive, to step out of your comfort zone and do things for the greater good.
And to be clear, I’m not implying than I’m doing more than you or than anyone, my point is that it’s never enough. The more football clubs talk about Jenni the better, the more national teams speak out the better, etc etc etc. It’s never enough.
So, stay the course and keep fighting.
d ❤
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Collective Empathy at the highest levels
Rubiealesgate… I know this is a massive problem, one in which the governing bodies or a huge show of force are the only ways for a change to happen. So how would this niche blog be of help? Am I THAT delusional to think that I could actually have an impact and realistically help? The answer is both yes and no. No, I don’t think I have the numbers, the visibility, the track record or reputation to actually make ripples directly on the issue. But the responsibility I feel I have to each and every one of my 10 readers 😭 is as big as anything I’ve ever done in the public eye, especially with this situation. Even if I turn one set of eyes into the issue, then I did my “job.”
If you have been keeping up with this blog you’ll be familiar with my plead for more empathy. This applies to myself, to fans, to the world of football, to men, to people as a whole. This is something that we couldn’t and cannot get enough of and as one of my favorite songwriters (Gary Cherone from Extreme) ever put it: “We need more feet to walk in one another’s shoes.” Something worth thinking about. BTW this is from the song “Stop The World” from the album 3 Sides To Every Story.
You don’t need me to tell you this, unless you’ve been living under a rock but a huge portion of the footballing community has come together in support of Jenni and it will continue to do so because this isn’t about her. It’s about every woman in the game, and adjacent to it as well. And if this wasn’t all horrific enough, the Spanish Federation has decided to take legal action against Jenni. Can you believe it? Yes you can and you should.
It’s getting uglies by the minute but this is when we cannot get tired of fighting. We can’t get tired of talking about it. We can’t quit. We can’t stop.
Jenni needs us, every woman needs us.
d ❤
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NEvermind doors… the floodgates are open
It’s impossible to not address this whole situation and to be totally honest with you guys, I don’t feel I have the correct tools at the moment to tackle this topic. But there is one thing I know for sure: what is about to come from this blatant abuse of power is something that these fragile, narcissistic men are not prepared for. The entire women’s football community is coming together to dismantle this misogynistic mafia.The behavior shown by these monsters is predictable and disgusting. So many women have been triggered by these actions and add to him not resigning, a show of support by all these other disgusting men that applaud him and celebrate his hubris and total lack of awareness, empathy and kindness.
I have a very strong feeling that we are entering the “find out” part of the “f*ck around” era. I honestly just keep coming back to that.. that we have no idea about the magnitude about whats about to unfold. And I’m here for it. Right when they thought they got away with it… they messed up, in the biggest way possible, and it’s our duty as football fans, as a community to help Jenni and every single woman in the game by expressing our thoughts and rejecting this man in every way possible.
People are only going to join in more quantities and they will be louder and louder. There’s no going back. Infantino wanted women to know the doors were open… just wait, you pathetic little man… just wait.
This is all I got today. Enjoy your weekend.
d ❤
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How many #1’s are too many?
Women can be incredible goalkeepers and this World Cup showed the world not just how important keepers are but a clear evolution within that position in recent times. You’re read me talk about this before and the importance of height as well, but keepers like the French used during the PK’s proves that argument wrong too. And I love it.
If you not only follow the women’s squad but also the men’s team, you know this, but in case you only follow the girls there might be some transfer news that you aren’t aware of and that is that Arsenal just signed David Raya, an outstanding keeper who was Brentford’s #1. Almost every pundit, expert, analyst, etc are saying that there’s no way that he was bought to sit on the bench which means that Aaron Ramsdale aka our current #1 will be replaced, and it’s only a matter of time.
Some of these people bring up the very valid point that virtually no clubs ever have 2 super incredible keepers and there’s a clear #1 always. Sure, that can be historically accurate but I have no problem at all with there being elite competition for every single position up and down the pitch. We all know keepers are crazy and built differently, to put in nicely and I’m very well aware of this because I’m a keeper myself.
Anyone that has had any interest in this position at all knows that the “keepers union” is a thing and there’s a special bond among them. Great, deep, challenging stuff. They make each other play better and every #1 owes a lot to the second choice keeper. They live in a virtual island and share so much, which I always find so tough mentally when I think about being in either one of those player’s boots.
Now at AWFC we clearly have Manu and to me she is MILES ahead of any other keeper we have had in recent times. She has gotten so much better since I started supporting this team and I think she will only get better, specially this season since she had plenty of time to recover, train and live her life as she deserves, and I think she got married too.
I do think that we need more competition and technically we always need a 3rd keeper, which we don’t at the moment. If Manu gets injured and Sabrina starts and gets a red card for example, then who plays in goal? an academy player? Viv is injured!
I am very curious to know what Jonas will do, the profile of keeper, and more importantly to me, their height like I said. Only a matter of time.
d ❤
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Lineups for next year?!
I’m only doing this because I’m clearly desperate for the season to start and I cannot wait to see what Jonas does.
Since the dutch and the lionesses used a 3-5-2 I’m gonna go with that, just for fun.
So… here is how I would line them up…
Another option, more of a 4-3-3 would be
Clearly, there’s no way for me to know what he will choose but these two are setups that I would feel very confident starting the season with, while we wait for Beth to be healthy. If I were to include her, it would look like this:
If you were Jonas, what would you do?
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What CAN AWFC learn from the World Cup?
Ok I can officially say I’m leaving the world cup posts behind and it’s time to look ahead at the upcoming season. But not so fast… we have to look back a little bit to go forward in this case and I thought discussing a couple of things and/or summarize some things that stand out to me and that I feel are worth bringing up, and you’re not gonna love all of them, maybe. This was click batey.
Overall to have had so many players in the tournament can only help as far as the morale goes. It’s easy for me to assume but I would guess that even through heartbreak, having had the experience of playing in the best World Cup to date can only boost all positive qualities and perspectives. Take the Australians for example… to basically cement their names into folklore forever, yes FOREVER, can only be a good thing. They aren’t coming back to north London with pressure because they simply aren’t in Australia. It’s a different thing. Foord had a incredible tournament and so did Steph. Both made history.
Katie McCabe’s goal and performances seem like they happened 3 years ago but we are talking about it being actually just a few weeks ago. What she did, how she did it and when is nothing short of outstanding. She will come back to training more focused than ever and holy sh*t the last player I’d ever want to play against is her. Imagine her hunger and determination to get better and better and build on what she has done already and take the girls in green to the Euros.
Noelle was unreal in defense and Lia was her usual reliable self. Hard to do much with the shortcomings of that team, having had to face Spain too… brutal and unlucky but I think they will also have much closer and are aware that they have shared a unique experience.
Normally players don’t celebrate winning 3rd place, but I LOVED seeing Sweden being so happy. If you wondered where the swedes were mentally for not winning the world cup, well… they showed it. They all seemed so freaking stoked and together and you could see it in their eyes. I truly believe this togetherness will be very important.
I would assume that Hurtig is moving on. I would think that getting some minutes has made her want to play more than ever and she would want to start for Sweden and being a 3rd or 4th option at Arsenal isn’t it. I haven’t heard rumors or anything like that but I wouldn’t be surprised if we hear something within days.
I don’t have a clue where LWM is mentally. My guess is that she will continue to be the strong, determined person she is and will use the fantastic World Cup run to empower her and feel more confident. This notion that players that don’t play aren’t important or don’t learn is rubbish. She is there for a reason, Sarina rates her enough to have had taken her. If it was any other player I’d question if they would deal with that well, but LWM has come back from adversity in the past and I can only hope that if she does get a run in the team, she performs well. With the terrible news that Teyah did her other ACL, a player who I was hoping would shine this season, Lotte will have a bigger part to play but I am hopeful we will sign another defender soon, with the rumors of Laia getting hotter and hotter.
I don’t think I learned anything new about Pelova other than what I already know and her performances simply reinforced my thoughts and opinions.
Overall this tournament has had to be an edification process and I cannot wait to see how it has shaped these players. I have a very, very good feeling about this season and at the risk of sounding like a total piece of poop… I’m hoping that Chelsea and Man City players are affected mentally and don’t play well all season long.
I’ve told you I’m petty!!!
3
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This is exhausting
I wanted to start this week and effectively shift from the World Cup to Arsenal Women. I really wanted to do so but I owe to you and to the universe of women’s football to mention a few things which I feel, rightly or wrongly, are my responsibility since I have a blog and claim to be an ally and active supporter of women and football. Three things stood out for me: the sexual assault at the podium, the resistance towards a woman managing a men’s squad, and Mason Greenwood. Not at all related to AWFC but the last point might be.
Literally a few minutes after the best World Cup we have ever seen… after an incredible spectacle filled with blood, sweat and tears and minutes before the lifting of the trophy, we are all reminded of just how much more we have to fight for women’s football. And apparently it wasn’t just the single incident but a collection of them… a pattern which is the MO of abusers. What incident? if you haven’t seen it, the president of the Spanish football federation was congratulating Jenni Hermoso and decided to kiss her on the lips. Now, I really cannot help you if you think that is even remotely ok. Later we came to find that the same person was seen grabbing his crotch in celebration when the final whistle went. It’s just all disgusting and wrong.
It doesn’t taint anything for me as far as what the women accomplished, but it just distracts way too much. Sadly, and I don’t want to be too clumsy when explaining myself here but this is a symptom of a massive problem and ideally we use this disgusting moment to shine a bright light into how toxic masculinity cannot be a part of the DNA of women’s football. This is not what we mean with equality… we don’t want the same things that happen in men’s football also rear their ugly heads in women’s football. We don’t. It’s the last thing any of us want and certainly not something the players deserve.
And this is one of those moments when life sucks. When evil is rewarded… the coach and federation who are hated by the players and most fans. These assholes get validation… they can continue to behave how they behave, to do what they do, to believe what they believe, and to treat women how they treat women. It’s not fair. It’s not something we just have to live with. It happens and has happened and we have to keep fighting and use these moments to change for the best. The world has seen it and now our world has to do something.
When I say our world is because I keep thinking that the more contained our ecosystem is, the better, and I get that it comes with limitations in money, exposure, marketing, representation and more. I’m not smart enough to tackle these. And by the way… the President of the federation apologized, but the damage is done.
Now, moving on to the next topic and that is the amount of negativity surrounding the news that the FA would consider Sarina to take over Southgate as manager of the men’s squad. I must say there was some support and great takes, but overall the quantity of hate, criticism and misogyny was off the charts. My take on it is not a short take, it would take a whole separate blog but the short of it is that not only is she qualified, but she’s more qualified than Gareth Southgate. Way more. She has won trophies, he hasn’t.
This idea that women have to prove themselves in the men’s game is kind of silly… I keep hearing how the men’s game is so much faster and athletic… well if Sarina can do what she does with “slow players” and “less athletic players” then imagine what she could do with the opposite? That alone should be a reason to consider her no? Also, its pretty damn simple: WE WON’T KNOW UNTIL WE TRY. Give her or Emma Hayes a chance, and see what happens and if they fail its not because they have a uterus.
Lastly… Manchester United have parted ways with Mason Greenwood, who although claims to be cleared of all charges HE WASN’T. The charges were dropped which is not the same thing. Also, the club has been very weak in their statements terrible I know, but I do applaud them for going this way. I think its a win for women supporters and women footballers as a whole. Where I mean that it might relate to arsenal women is the whole Thomas Partey thing and the things that continue to be said about him. I wonder if some players and supporters feel he needs to also leave our club. I certainly do and have for a while.
Anyways, days like today can be exhausting for us women football fans but we have to keep going. We need to keep fighting because it helps more than chanting a player’s name in the football ground.
3
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Post Final Random Thoughts
World Cups can teach us a lot of things about teams, countries, cultures, footballing systems, strategies and more. Furthermore, if we really pay attention it can teach us about ourselves and it can also challenge us directly, well beyond the surface level thoughts and feelings… This is my lame attempt at sounding deep.. what I truly mean is that sometimes World Cups can reveal how big a douchebag I am, but you knew that.
This tournament was magical. Full of everything we could’ve ever hoped for. As usual, I think it’s natural to interject ourselves in these type of sporting occasions and I am no different. We wrongly assume that our feelings matter, or that the vibes we get from a team or match are accurate or should have any credible foundations behind it. Deep down inside we know that isn’t the case… just like wearing your lucky shirt has literally no effect whatsoever. You can’t possibly believe that, can you?
Since the day that our girls got injured and were ruled out of the tournament, I had a series of conflicting feelings about their respective countries doing well. And actually, it was specific to England, since I have no stock in them. The Netherlands is another story… I wanted them to win with or without Viv, but England? Maybe, kinda, sorta?
I would’ve loved to see England win and I could sit here and criticize the best women’s coach in history but I won’t. But I was actively rooting for them when Russo was on the pitch, but after there were no arsenal players on the pitch aka her, I kinda checked out. I wasn’t as invested and I was actually bitter that Russo wasn’t on the pitch, not that I wanted them to lose, but I was expecting it so that I could be proven right somehow. It’s absurd, I know, but I also didn’t want Beth and Leah to miss out on winning this. It just didn’t feel fair for me and if it means new signing Russo and former player Nobbs not winning then I’ll take that.
I understand this rallying behind “our girls” but at the same time they aren’t for me. Russo isn’t yet the same way that Amanda isn’t or Cloe… ok maybe Amanda is already. But no, I do not think that every arsenal player weighs the same. I will not lose sleep over LWM not winning the world cup yet I’m extremely dissapointed that she didn’t get a single minute out on that pitch. It’s very lame, specially after clearly being good enough to make the squad AND there being matches where the goals came by the half dozen.
LWM has done so damn much for the community, for kids and for the equality of women in sport. Don’t you think that merits at the very least coming on with 2 minutes to go?? What about Jordan? An absolute legend and she also didn’t get a single minute. This is what is tragic for me and feels like the footballing karma came back to bite England in the ass.
What about the whole mess with no members of the Royal Family making the trip? Wow, was that an insult to these trailblazing women.
Anyway, I have no idea what I’m saying. I’m delirious. I’m writing this at 6am and I’ve been up since 2am.
Need more sleep and you deserve better.
3
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A very subjective look into AWFC 